So I've been thinking, and for any of you who are like "whoa there rob, you think?" Why yes, yes I do with a side of smile and hugs please. I haven't been blogging since I moved out in July like I used to everyday and I would blog about everything I shall get back to it my little gum drops and I will.
Let's start off with this, how are you all doing? Oh yeah, me too, I know it's getting cold here. Oh sorry didn't hear you there, What was that? You have snow to its sunny where you are? Oh awesome! My sunshine melon gum drops. Man I can't spell at all to save my life.
So I was thinking about the three C's and it's true my family friends and even little doggies Chanel and Lucy are one amazing group around me especially that one very amazing guy. Do you know him? He's my prince. His name is Arin, he's my Prince Charming. He's so kind and warm, no really he is. But he also is very warm with his big heart and kind soul. He's so smart too. he can spell.
So yes, the C's this is something my prince has taught me. I've learned it since we were friends for years now. He's always put this to my mind. But now it's come clear since he's been teaching me and telling me so many things. But this is something he tells me and I know, now and forever. People tried to "tell me" or "help me" but not like the way he has,he has a way of making all the walls around me get put up and make me stand still close my eyes, breath, calm down and really calm down. The walls then all fall and it's like we both are in a white room or a field and just talk and I know what to do and what I did wrong and how I need and should have made better choice's in life or it's just seeing the world in a whole diffent way instead of my own way of flowers and smiles. It's more real.
If I've never made the choice to make a change in my life from the day I first moved out and everyday since then, to not ever give up on love or even just let someone say "hello there I love you so much i don't want you to stress out I'm right here with you and for you we are going to do this together robertito." Arin calls me that he's so cute when he talks Spanish. When I dream at night I dream of happy things that make my heart calm and then sometimes I dream of bad things that make my heart hurt. I feel bad for hurting anyone ever in my life for having to put up with me.
I'm trying really, really hard to change honestly I am. It's crazy but I am. I can talk about all the bad in my life but that wont solve anything right now. I have to grow up, I never Knew how too. I seen people do it just, for myself it's not something I've ever done I always thought I did or was but I was only going by life like a hamster in a hamster wheel. Paying a bill, keep running, sad times, keep runnin on that wheel don't even pass for some water, angry? Keep going little fat ass. Anyone angry at you? It's okay keep going no one wants your opnion let them be mad at you. Just be there for them. I love everyone in my life so much I really do. I don't like when I see someone hurt or mad so I just shut down and would want to run away and come back to happy times but, im slowly not anymore I'm staying there and listening and realizing and owning it.
But I can't help but feel like an Asshole I didn't grow up right away or what I thought I did grow up wasn't growing up at all. I didn't have a childhood. So I wanted to have one now. I wanted to be happy and smile and make others happy. I just didn't find the balance until now, I am Slowly, but I swear it with all my might with Every once of love and life in my heart and body I am! I'm growing up and learning to not only be my own person because I'm not even a person, I don't know who I am now. But what I do know is that I can love with all my heart and every once of me.
This time I can't let anyone down, but most importantly I can't let myself down. Im feeling all the feelings, I feel like, A Real person everyday. It's not just me it's you all out there my amazing family and friends thank you guys so much. It's Chanel and Lucy our dogs. It's you my Prince Charming, Arin, thank you for just being you I love you so much since day one and forever. You can't ever repay or thank someone for all they do for you just love them and I love You all with all my heart. I love you Arin more then you will ever know.